27 Comments
User's avatar
brinn elizabeth bagley's avatar

Lorren shared these on a Note--I wanted to put it here so no one missed it. I'm still a Substack newbie and learning how it works :) When/if you'd like to share what you've written for the week, you can do it here in the comments. We'll get the Marco Polo group up and running and can share them there as well/instead.

She said: I wrote a draft and took it to a feedback group and was told they wanted more of me in it, so I have this new extended draft (that feels very unpolished).

The zen priestess says non-attachment is non-suffering

as she stands before us nurses

in a conference room in the belly

of the hospital on sunset, across from the church

of Scientology and a few blocks

down from old Hollywood. To be good

caretakers we must detach, strip

our patients off with our scrubs

in the garage, enter into a calm

free of entanglement.

Perhaps that is why I didn’t work in nursing very long.

I tie double knots in the threads binding

me earthwards, webbing me to a thousand

capricious souls with knives in their fists.

I never banish my ghosts—they play

with my hair, rest their heads on my shoulder, lips grazing my ear.

I can’t leave a place without licking dew

off the leaves to pass through the membrane

of my cells. I wear the marks blooming

over the paperthin tissue of my heart like medals.

I’m an acolyte of resurrection; I believe

every severed cord will be rewoven, braided

with golden thread.

(And here’s the original, for context. I might still like it better)

Non-attachment is the avoidance of suffering

but I crave entanglement, threads binding

me earthwards, webbing me to a thousand

capricious souls with knives in their fists.

We all have teeth and claws; we all hurt sometimes,

in our sleep or clear-eyed. I’ll take it.

Wound me. Dislocate my joints. Leave your marks

blooming over the paperthin tissue of my heart.

I’m an acolyte of resurrection; I believe

every severed cord will be rewoven, braided

with golden thread.

Expand full comment
brinn elizabeth bagley's avatar

This was also on that note, moving it here so everything's together. --> Yessssss. I get to read more of your poems! And thank you for sharing both of these! It’s always fascinating to see multiple versions side by side. I love how well they both, in their different ways, absolutely nail the impossibility of giving healing, powerful care, and, you know, not caring. Not putting enough of yourself into it or letting enough of them in. Like that's a choice. The lines “I never banish my ghosts, they play / with my hair, rest their heads on my shoulder, lips grazing my ear”-- SO good. I am a sucker for short poems, so I kindof love the second version’s succinctness. And that line (and placement of the line) “I’ll take it.”-- delicious.

Expand full comment
Lorren Lemmons's avatar

Aaah I totally missed all of this and didn’t realize it was on a note. I’m so good at technology 😂 Thank you for shepherding it over to the right place!

Expand full comment
brinn elizabeth bagley's avatar

Hahaah, no worries! I’m still just wandering around like a disoriented tourist on this app.

Expand full comment
Marcy Matheson's avatar

Wow--I love this! An acolyte of resurrection. I like the revised version so much!

Expand full comment
Alyssa Moeller's avatar

Hi Lorren, what a raw piece of yourself you’ve shared! Thank you.

Expand full comment
Alyssa Moeller's avatar

This is my poem, mostly written with a sleepy toddler in my lap. I hear myself hurrying my kids along every day and hate that it feels like hurrying them through childhood.

Time to Leave

Time to leave, or we will be late. Let’s go

forsake the toilsome ticking of the clock.

Unwind tangled threads of thought within

a caress of quilts, under his warm weight.

Abuzz with the willful demand of childhood delights,

one bossy, chubby finger points

insisting an announcement for each fire truck

on beat with his siren shriek. Endless feasts on

pages flavored by rainbow glimmers of possibility.

Wisps of flaxen curls tickle my chin-

inhale the coconut-coated innocence of

bubble baths soaked in a sea of lost boys

and pirate ships. His spark fades

into the hushed duet of

heartbeats and breath.

Tiny toes still against my press.

Surrender to his claim

as a pair of dimpled hands

clasp my cheeks

and lips slick with

the heavy

release of sleep

moisten mine.

Golden crown melts

into the pillow of my chest. Let’s go

hand in hand through neverland until

it is time to leave.

Expand full comment
brinn elizabeth bagley's avatar

Alyssa! Loved this poem, and love any poems written with sleepy toddlers on laps :) The line break after “his spark fades” and into the gorgeous “duet of heartbeats and breath”, so good! And I got chills at “Let’s go /hand in hand through Neverland, until/ it’s time to leave.” It encapsulates so much of what is melty and achey about motherhood + childhood. I really liked too, how you took the rush of “Time to leave”, and went on to slow everything down with your words and noticings. ❤️❤️

Expand full comment
Marnie Weintz's avatar

This feels like finding a way to bring the magic of childhood with you into motherhood, it’s so sweet!

Expand full comment
Emily Bennett's avatar

Here is my attempt. This exercise was so interesting. I was surprised what came up

.

.

I can’t do this.

I can’t do this, pushes on

my chest as I take a prescribed

breath that sounds like a

small hissing warning. My inner

child, and the two at my feet dive

for cover. From up here, my vision

spans generations and I become the

storm that shadows even headstones.

I’d like to say there is no resemblance,

that I’m not still fighting demons. Still

I am here, gasping

in effort and recognition,

so I can’t do this.

Expand full comment
brinn elizabeth bagley's avatar

Emily! ❤️ Wow. All the movement you pack in here is a wild ride in such a short poem, and made for a really cool experience reading this. And the way you captured the shortness of breath and the pressure, the constriction and power of narration, and how linked we all are. How hard we try. Loved getting to read this. Thank you for sharing.

Expand full comment
Marnie Weintz's avatar

The shifting perspectives in this are so interesting! The breath inside your chest, your inner child and your own children, generations before you and a storm, and then back to you inside your own body. It’s really dynamic.

Expand full comment
Marcy Matheson's avatar

This is amazingly vulnerable for this grandma newbie poetry lover. So excited, and a little nervous to enter this new experiment.

Sure Can

Cozy spots, train tracks leading nowhere.

Drones become submarines become spears that kill

“say blah”.

A miracle swipe revives.

“Put your feet on my nipples and I can fly!”

Lift, float, fall. Trust.

Breeze brushing your skinny naked

body’s

squirvy lines.

My lines are straight, precise, measured

minute movements, calculated for

greatest gain.

So grown up.

“I love you.”

“No, I love you.”

“We love each other!”

Let me squirve in your joyful messiness~

melt in your tight embrace

my childish teacher.

“Sure can.”

Expand full comment
brinn elizabeth bagley's avatar

❤️🎉🎉Yay Marcy!!!! 🎉🎉❤️ Proud of you! Grandma newbie poetry lovers are the best kind :) Also, I really liked how the dialogue snippets and contrasts capture the fragments and *squirviness* of life lived with small children. Cheers to beginnings! And your poetry!

Expand full comment
Marnie Weintz's avatar

Here’s my poem for this week. There are big stories and memories behind a lot of these words for me, but I wonder if it needs more substance or detail from an outside perspective?

My Mother’s Eyes

My mother’s eyes were blue

Like a dangerous current

And cold

My father’s eyes were blue

Like mountain peaks

And distant

So is it any wonder

That I feel drowned and lost

And blue

Expand full comment
brinn elizabeth bagley's avatar

Oooof. So good! Brilliant redirection. And your last line?!! 🤯I especially love how the tone you’ve achieved here with the pacing and the precise, plain, but surprising language underlines this kind of tragically chilly distance. The “and____” pattern is fantastic, every one. Love this one so much. 💙💙

Expand full comment
Emily Bennett's avatar

This is really beautiful. I love using the color to show so much emotion and also the heritage and connection at the end whether it is wished for or not.

From an outside perspective i'm left curious but also the lack of background helps me see my own experience in it in a really beautiful way. thank you for sharing.

Expand full comment
Marnie Weintz's avatar

Thank you so much 🥹 This was a heavy one to share so your encouragement means a lot!!

Expand full comment
Marcy Matheson's avatar

Wow-you tell so much with so few words. Brilliant. I can really feel it.

Expand full comment
Alyssa Moeller's avatar

Ooh this gives me feelings of being pulled in and pushed away, chilling.

Expand full comment
Hannah Matheson's avatar

Grateful for this space and inspiration! Been wanting to share this with you, Brinn, since I only took the time to write it after devouring write.sister.write last summer. It's so long but the only way I could wrap my head around the insanity that my life had become with 5 kids born in 5 years. Penning these words was the start of allowing myself to heal and feel.

I say/ They say

They ask me why I'm holding on so hard

because, I say, she stole his green play

dough and the food coloring still stains

my fingernails and I’m a l m o s t done

cleaning out the basement and it’s

snack time

They ask me why I don’t just let go

because, I say, she’s sucking on the

headphone case and his maskez are

smooshing his ears and I j u s t found

the other shoe and — one sec — I’m

gonna start the dishwasher

But, hold up, They say, we know about that

They still ask

Why don’t you loosen your grip

because, I say, I should make another

sticker chart and she s t i l l can’t read

and I keep telling him to put his gloves

in his spidey mask before he puts them

away and I flushed the undies down the

toilet and I’m just gonna preheat the

oven real quick

We know, We know, They say

Why don’t you trust Us

because, I say, I was making the

balloon arch but they know how to pick

the lock and he pooped his pants

a g a i n and does anyone know where

Tetu is and — look at my eyes — is your

tummy full

sorry.

You’re good, They say

That's what We're saying

Why don’t you believe Us

because, I say, I still haven’t finished

the painting I’m making to cover the

hole in the wall I made the day the new

neighbors were coming over and he

said he’d do the meat but it’s still in the

freezer and the timer went off and I’ve

just got to drop this off at Nellie’s

r e a l quick

Okay, okay, They say

But why can’t you see that there’s a poem in that

because, I say

well, I do, I say

but if I can just fold this laundry real

quick I won’t have to run up and down

the stairs all weekend and we can

f i n a l l y sit in a pew and I’m not

bringing snacks because the kitchen

was open but he chose not to eat

(Hmm, should we try something else? She’s not getting it)

Why don’t you just let Us take over for a moment

— just a small one

because, I say

I tried, I say

but she just brought diet coke and TJ’s

chocolate (I don’t get it) and I told

them to keep the water in the bathtub

and where was the last place you had

tiger and scratchy and —good job —

your backpack and shoes a l m o s t

made it to your bedroom

Silence, They say

Be still

I just feel like I’m breaking, I say

beyond repair

like little fissures

but I used up all the super glue

on the party favors

That’s the point, They say

Well not really, but yes

They say

We’ve got You

So, I say

I just let go?

Yes Yes Yes

Just offer it up, They say

We'll take it, They say

Expand full comment
brinn elizabeth bagley's avatar

Hannah! I'm so happy that you're writing, and to have you here! And I'm so so glad that you made the effort to get this down in a poem. I love it. It holds and says so much. I love the format of the asking and response --of trying to explain our lives and our reasons but not ever being able to slow down or set enough down to really be able to even think. And all the words we say as parents that we never imagined we would. I loved every specific detail and interaction you included, and the word s t r e t c h i n g, and how nonstop and frantic the pacing is right up until: "I just feel like I’m breaking, I say / beyond repair / like little fissures / but I used up all the super glue / on the party favors." SO good! ❤️‍🩹 Thank you for sharing this here.

Expand full comment
Candace's avatar

I love how you've structured this, Brinn! And love reading everyone's work so far :) I'm going to give this a try as well and come back...

Expand full comment
brinn elizabeth bagley's avatar

Thank you Candace! ❤️ Me too! Can’t wait to see & read where it takes you.

Expand full comment
Marnie Weintz's avatar

I’m feeling really excited about adding this new ritual into my Sundays, thank you for creating this space for all of us ☀️

Expand full comment
brinn elizabeth bagley's avatar

Me too! Small and doable. So grateful to have you here, and to be able to learn together. 💕

Expand full comment
Jay Griffith's avatar

Insightful poem. Some lovely language use. I like both versions. Thank you.

Expand full comment